Day #2 On A Doubled Dose

Yesterday my psychiatrist boosted me from 20 MG to 40. "I'm not sure why your primary care provider had you on such a low dose," she said at the time. "Hopefully this will help more."

Hopefully it will. I hadn't realized that 20 MG was considered low, although in retrospect that explains why I've been struggling so hard with all of this even while taking medication.

I sat there in her pale office and watched her scarf, gauzy blue and loosely draped, sway while she wrote. She has a soft, accented voice. Hard vs instead of English ws. Full vowels instead of the schwa. I can't help but feel cheated by my physician, even though she likely gave me this dose because of inexperience with psychiatric medication.

Then my psychiatrist tells me that the second medication I'm on has always been prescribed at very low levels and that she felt that it was necessary to raise that one as well, and the feeling of being cheated doubled.

The Boston rain was soothing while I waited outside the Center. Rain has always made me feel better. Like a video game cheat code: instant payoff. It's feeling more and more like April.

The new pill is almost as big as the second, which means my days of gagging on just one of the medications are over. And I'm here to report that there was nothing to report on Day #1: I took the dose and wham!

Lights out.

I slept and slept. And slept. And slept. It's 4:23 now, but I'm drinking a cup of coffee and feeling like the morning has just come. And I'm still tired.

But I hadn't meant this first post to be so gloomy. The sun is out. The trailer for Quentin Tarantino's new film "The Hateful Eight" came out yesterday. I have coffee, which beats the ominous sense of not having coffee in the house. And hopefully we're on the up-and-up, my brain and I.

#medication