A Series Of Open Letters

I'm pretty sure I've used this free Wix picture of a paper cat before, but I am feverish and critically deprived of coffee, so -- here it is again. This time it's accompanied by some open letters to the pets in my home.

To my rats --

You are long dead. But I remember you and the way you played with Elementary Me, you with your long tails and twitchy noses. You were better than people thought of you.

To my kitten --

I have never met any creature so determined to stick her face in things as you. You just love it. You don't even go for the cautious route, the nose-dipping or tongue-licking, no -- you've got a go-big-or-go-home attitude. You stick your entire face in. Coffee, blueberry juice, mashed potatoes, yogurt, salad, and milkshakes are not safe from you. Seriously, salad? Seriously?

I prevented you from closing yourself in the fridge for the umpteenth time this morning. As always, you looked at me as though I had wronged you so deeply that generations of your kittens would sense my infamous trespass and remember this day. I'm not sorry. Fridges are not for kittens. Especially since I know that you would take the opportunity to stick your face in every single thing you could.

To the snakes --

You two are pretty chill. I mean, you dislodge your enrichment sticks, overturn your water bowls, nip, and require a diet of whole dead mice which even I find difficult to look at. But you don't stick your face in my coffee. I respect that.

To my bunny --

You don't exist yet. That's okay. I am content to wait. This will give me time to work on my repertoire of rabbit-related puns.

To my cat --

We understand that you hate the kitten. We understand that this hate burns in you with the presence of a thousand suns. We understand that this hate is a hate that equals my own hate for the terrible endings of both How I Met Your Mother and Dexter combined. We're here for you. We are. And we still love you. We appreciate your maturity even more now that there is a little white ball of fur flinging herself at every dangling thing she can lay her eyes on.

But frankly, this hissing and ear-flattening business is getting boring. You don't really do anything, you know. You hiss and flatten your ears. That's it. That's not going to make the kitten leave. That's going to make this kitten want to stick her face in your face. That's all.

To my guinea pigs --

I know that you have just been fed. I know because I am the one who fed you. I can see the uneaten hay right over there. Do you want attention? Maybe you actually want attention instead of food. I'll pet you and see if -- I'll --

Wait, come back!

Let me love you!

#pets #guineapigs #cats