Ich Habe Dich Verloren

I've been having a particular theme of dreams lately. In them, people who fought with me in my past, exes, former friends, and people who just drifted on come back from wherever they had vanished to. They apologized to me, made up with me. Dream We patched things up in the Dream Zone in the vague, sincere way dreams have of orchestrating what will never come to pass in such cinematic color that you might think for a moment that all of it had somehow been real.

They're like the opposite of revenge dreams. Reconciliation dreams. Strange dreams.

I don't know why I've been having them. I've tried contacting and talking with these people in the past. I've given my share of second chances (and third, and fourth, and fifth ...), and over time I've come to forget faces and voices. These people no longer feel like pieces of my world that have been taken away or lost. If you brought them up in casual conversation, I would tell you that I had moved on from those points in my life, found companionship with the other people who had followed after. My heart is silent on the matter: it wants to drink today's coffee and enjoy today's rain and marathon horror flicks with today's friends. I've always thought of myself as being one for living in the moment.

I guess it's like letting go of a handful of balloons. Once you've let go, there's this intermittent period where you look up every few moments to watch those colored dots float higher and higher, farther and farther. One day they will disappear altogether. Until then, there they are in the distance, floating on like a Modest Mouse song, not quite vanished yet.

#dreamingisweird