Tea With Sara The Skull

Sara is my skull. She was given to me by a friend of mine who participated in a retelling of Hamlet, and she's been on my shelf ever since. Today I took her down from her shelf while I made myself a cup of tea.

It's 4:54 AM. My Microsoft Word document is blank save for one accusatory cursor, and I am too stimulated to sleep. Instead I am at my desk, watching the clock, and keeping the cat's curious little paws away from both the tea and Sara the skull. It's all very fascinating stuff, I can tell you that much.

I've had time to ask myself what I did to push myself from "able to sleep" to "haha, good luck" levels. Was it going to pick up my new medication? Having a long conversation with my husband? Having another conversation with my mother? It all seems ludicrous when I look back on what I've listed. How could talking too much and running errands jazz up my nervous system to the point where I can't bear to have my husband hold me? The answer is probably under debate right now in some laboratory or other. I certainly don't have it.

My sensory difficulties mean that I often end up in this same situation: wanting to spend time with other people, but being unable to do anything because of the stimulation. Pushing myself can lead to me being utterly miserable or even having a meltdown, meaning that I have to carefully manage my levels of sensory intake. I've come to appreciate quiet time with myself all the more for the contrast.

The down side, though, it can get very isolating sometimes. I don't have any answers, and I don't have my husband.

What I do have is tea with Sara the skull.

#mentalillness #skulls